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		<title>Hypnosis in Psychotherapy</title>
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				<category><![CDATA[Heart Centered Therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hypnosis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hypnosis in psychotherapy]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[therapy using hypnosis]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Have you heard the hype about hypnosis, maybe you have even seen the stage shows where someone clucks like a chicken and then claims to have no memory of doing so. These stage show events create such a misconception about the power of hypnosis, and unfortunately, lead many people away from a very helpful modality of healing. Hypnosis works, and this article talks about how, and where it has been written about and studied to prove it's effectiveness in psychotherapeutic treatment. This article was taken from the Journal of heart centered therapies and is a brilliant piece about how beautifully hypnosis works as a tool within the field of psychotherapy. Thank you to The Wellness Institute for their amazing work!<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=alfnjm.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2628019&amp;post=17&amp;subd=alfnjm&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><strong><span style="font-size:large;"> </span></strong></div>
<p><strong><span style="font-size:large;"></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">TREATMENT with HYPNOSIS</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p></span></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>[The Wellness Institute]</strong><br />
</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Psychologists Steven Jay Lynn (Ohio University), Irving Kirsch (University of Connecticut), Jonathan Neufeld (doctoral candidate, Ohio University), and Judith W. Rhue (Ohio University College of Osteopathic Medicine) (1996) indicate the widespread acceptance of hypnosis and hypnotherapy today.</span></p>
<blockquote>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">&#8220;Hypnosis is enjoying a wave of popularity (see Lynn &amp; Rhue, 1991a). Not only do substantial numbers of mental health professionals use hypnosis regularly to treat a wide range of problems (Kraft &amp; Rudolfa, 1982; Rhue, Lynn, &amp; Kirsch, 1993), but also hypnosis has moved into the orbit of mainstream psychology. This latter observation is evidenced by the sharp increase in the number of hypnosis articles, spanning a wide range of disciplines, that has been published in recent years (Nash, Minton, &amp; Baldridge, 1988). The cross-fertilization of the clinical and research domains can be seen in recent compendiums of hypnosis research (Fromm &amp; Nash, 1992), hypnotherapeutic approaches (Rhue et al., 1993), and theories of hypnosis (Lynn &amp; Rhue, 1991a), which all contain discussions of clinical work (see Lynn, 1994).</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Clinicians have responded to the lure of seemingly powerful experiential techniques with a boom of interest in incorporating hypnosis into<span style="font-size:small;"> </span>the treatment of an array of clinical problems, ranging from anxiety disorders to personality and schizophrenic disorders (Kraft &amp; Rudolfa, 1982). Fortunately, clinical research indicates that hypnosis is more than a faddish addition to the clinician&#8217;s grab bag of psychotherapeutic tools. Meta-analyses (Kirsch, Montgomery, &amp; Sapirstein, 1995; Smith, Glass, &amp; Miller, 1980) have demonstrated that the addition of hypnosis to cognitive-behavioral and psychodynamic treatments substantially enhances their efficacy, and researchers have made important contributions to understanding hypnosis, assuring that clinical hypnosis can be more firmly grounded in scientific findings (see Lynn, 1994; Nash et al., 1988).</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As the field of clinical hypnosis has matured, evidence exists that there is increasing agreement about what hypnosis is, what hypnosis is not, and how hypnosis can be used to modify experience and behavior (see Kirsch &amp; Lynn, 1995). Perhaps the fundamental point on which there is virtual consensus is that hypnosis is not a treatment in itself. As Dowd (chapter 14, this volume) observes, hypnosis is a specialized technique that can be used as an adjunctive intervention integrated into a more encompassing psychological and perhaps medical treatment package.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Clinical hypnosis refers to a very wide variety of nonstandardized and changeable methods that can serve as a catalyst to an equally wide variety of psychotherapies (Barber, 1985). Thus, one can speak of psychoanalytic hypnotherapy, rational-emotive hypnotherapy, Ericksonian hypnotherapy, or multimodal hypnotherapy, as evidenced by the section of this book that discusses a single case from multiple therapeutic orientations. However, in many instances, the therapeutic use of hypnosis involves a blending of ideas and techniques from different theoretical perspectives, reflecting the tendency toward technical eclecticism that characterizes much of the field of contemporary psychotherapy (see Lynn &amp; Garske, 1985). As it is practiced today, clinical hypnosis can be defined as the addition of hypnosis to accepted psychological or medical treatment. As such, it should be practiced only by professionals who have the appropriate training and credentials to provide the treatment that is being augmented by hypnosis.&#8221; Lynn, S. J., Kirsch, I., Neufeld, J., and Rhue, J. W. (1996).</span></p></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">References</span></p>
<div><span style="font-size:x-small;"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dowd, E. T. (1996). Hypnotherapy in the treatment of adolescent enuresis. In S. J. Lynn, I. Kirsch &amp; J. W. Rhue (Eds.), <em>Casebook of Clinical Hypnosis</em> (pp. 293-307). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.</span></span></div>
<p><span style="font-size:x-small;"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fromm, E., &amp; Nash, M. R. (1992). Contemporary Hypnosis Research. New York: Guilford Press.1992</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kraft, W. A., &amp; Rudolfa, E. R. (1982). The use of hypnosis among psychologists. <em>American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis</em>, 24, 249-257.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kirsch, I., &amp; Lynn, S. J. (1995). The altered state of hypnosis: Changes in the theoretical landscape. <em>American Psychologist</em>, 50, 846-858.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kirsch, I., Montgomery, G., &amp; Sapirstein, G. (1995). Hypnosis as an adjunct to cognitive behavioral psychotherapy: A meta-analysis. <em>Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology</em>, 63, 214-220.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lynn, S. J. (1994). The interface of hypnosis research and clinical practice. Guest editorial in the special issue of the <em>American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis</em>, 37, 81-83.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lynn, S. J., &amp; Garske, J. P. (1985). <em>Contemporary Psychotherapies: Models and Methods</em> (2<sup>nd</sup> ed). Columbus, MO: Merrill Press.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lynn, S. J., &amp; Rhue, J. W. (Eds.). (1991). <em>Theories of Hypnosis: Current Models and Perspectives</em>. New York: Guilford Press.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lynn, S. J., Kirsch, I., Neufeld, J., and Rhue, J. W. (1996). Clinical hypnosis: Assessment, applications, and treatment considerations. In S. J. Lynn, I. Kirsch &amp; J. W. Rhue (Eds.), <em>Casebook of Clinical Hypnosis</em> (pp. 3-30). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nash, M. R., Minton, A., &amp; Baldridge, J. (1988). Twenty years of scientific hypnosis in dentistry, medicine, and psychology: A brief communication. <em>International Journal of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis</em>, 36, 198-205.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rhue, J. W., Lynn, S. J., &amp; Kirsch, I. (1993). <em>Handbook of Clinical Hypnosis</em>. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Smith, M. L., Glass, G. V., &amp; Miller, T. I. (1980). <em>The Benefits of Psychotherapy</em>. Baltimore, MD: The Johns Hopkins University Press.</span></p>
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<p></span><strong><em></p>
<h3><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Citation of Selected Relevant Research</span></h3>
<p> </p>
<p></em></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gould, R. C., Krynicki, V. E., &#8220;Comparative effectiveness of <strong>hypnotherapy </strong>on different psychological symptoms,&#8221; <em>Am J Clin Hypn</em>, vol. 32, pp. 110-7, 1989.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
In this study we measured a comprehensive set of symptoms before and after hypnotherapy to evaluate which symptom areas respond most and which respond least. The participants were 20 adults who sought hypnotherapy for such problems as stress, anxiety, and depression. There were two pretreatment measurements and one posttreatment measurement. Statistical analyses revealed significantly less symptomatology posttreatment in all measured dimensions. The greatest percentage decrease occurred in the anxiety dimensions; less of a decrease occurred in affective symptoms, and the least decrease appeared in ideational symptoms. The results are discussed in terms of the similarity of hypnosis to states of deep relaxation and its difference from the state of intense arousal which is a component of the fight-flight response. It is suggested that the symptoms most related to the fight-flight reaction respond most readily to <strong>hypnosis</strong>.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kline, M. V., &#8220;<strong>Hypnosis</strong> with specific relation to biofeedback and behavior therapy. Theoretical and clinical considerations,&#8221; <em>Psychother Psychosom</em>, vol. 31, pp. 294-300, 1979.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
<strong>Hypnosis</strong> as an intrapsychological and interpersonal experience is used as an integrative and amplifying procedure in relation to biofeedback mechanism and behavior therapy. The <strong>hypnotic</strong> capacity for linking cognitive to affective reactions within a feedback loop of sensory and motor imagery is presented as a dynamic approach to behavior modification during psychotherapy.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kirsch, I., Montgomery, G., Sapirstein, G., &#8220;<strong>Hypnosis</strong> as an adjunct to cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy: a meta-analysis [see comments],&#8221; J Consult Clin Psychol, vol. 63, pp. 214-20, 1995.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
A meta-analysis was performed on 18 studies in which a cognitive-behavioral therapy was compared with the same therapy supplemented by <strong>hypnosis</strong>. The results indicated that the addition of <strong>hypnosis</strong> substantially enhanced treatment outcome, so that the average client receiving cognitive-behavioral <strong>hypnotherapy</strong> showed greater improvement than at least 70% of clients receiving non<strong>hypnotic</strong> treatment. Effects seemed particularly pronounced for treatments of obesity, especially at long-term follow-up, indicating that unlike those in non<strong>hypnotic</strong> treatment, clients to whom <strong>hypnotic</strong> inductions had been administered continued to lose weight after treatment ended. These results were particularly striking because of the few procedural differences between the <strong>hypnotic</strong> and non<strong>hypnotic</strong> treatments.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Phillips, M., &#8220;Our bodies, our selves: treating the somatic expressions of trauma with ego-state therapy, &#8221; Am J Clin Hypn, vol. 38, pp. 109-21, 1995.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
Trauma activates primitive defenses which often involve somatic processes. In this paper, the author explores the use of somatic approaches to ego-state therapy, developed by John and Helen Watkins (1979), which has been shown in the literature to be an effective method of treating the internal fragmentation and dissociated response patterns related to early childhood trauma. Through the use of <strong>hypnotic</strong> techniques such as the somatic bridge, ideosensory signalling, and sensory awareness training, ego-state therapy can be directed to those parts of the self which are more connected to somatic expressions of traumatic experiences. Several clinical case examples are presented to illustrate the potential of this approach in the treatment of trauma. Specific benefits for patients who complain of psychosomatic symptoms are discussed, as well as for those with compromised body image and perception, and its usefulness as a hypnoanalytic tool for uncovering memories that may be more somatically based.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Steckler, J. T., &#8220;The utilization of <strong>hypnosis</strong> in psychotherapy: metaphor and transformation,&#8221; Psychiatr Med, vol. 10, pp. 41-50, 1992.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
<strong>Hypnotic</strong> methods using suggestion and metaphor provide an economic and rapid means of facilitating rapid therapeutic change by the psychotherapist. Such methods circumvent normal conscious resistance to change by allowing the client to access his own inner resources in a therapeutically collaborative way. Metaphoric communications can serve numerous purposes, ultimately resulting in the transformation of conflict into new resource states for the client.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Winsor, R. M., &#8220;<strong>Hypnosis</strong>&#8211;a neglected tool for client empowerment,&#8221; Soc Work, vol. 38, pp. 603-8, 1993.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
Clinical <strong>hypnosis</strong> is a valuable treatment modality that deserves to be more widely known and used by social workers. The author presents an overview of this growing clinical specialty, distinguishing between directive, Ericksonian, and permissive <strong>hypnosis</strong>. The latter, which is the most common style in use today, is based on a clear contract in which a hypnotherapist helps a client develop and use his or her own <strong>hypnotic</strong> abilities toward therapeutic goals. Characteristics of a <strong>hypnotic</strong> trance and the differing capacities of individuals in trance are presented. The article describes how permissive <strong>hypnosis</strong> is used in practice and identifies the types of clients for whom it is suitable. The author stresses the consistency of modern clinical <strong>hypnosis</strong> with social work aims and values.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frischholz, E. J., Lipman, L. S., Braun, B. G., Sachs, R. G., &#8220;Psychopathology, <strong>hypnotizability</strong>, and dissociation [see comments],&#8221; Am J Psychiatry, vol. 149, pp. 1521-5, 1992.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
The purpose of the study was to replicate and extend previous findings regarding the hypnotizability of different clinical groups. METHOD: The authors compared the differential hypnotizability of four psychiatric groups&#8211;patients with dissociative disorders (N = 17), schizophrenia (N = 13), mood disorders (N = 13), and anxiety disorders (N = 14)&#8211;and one normal group of college students (N = 63). Hypnotizability was assessed by four different measures: the eye roll sign and the induction score of the <strong>Hypnotic</strong> Induction Profile, the Stanford <strong>Hypnotic</strong> Susceptibility Scale, Form C, and two self-ratings of hypnotizability. RESULTS: As predicted, dissociative disorder patients had significantly higher hypnotizability scores on all measures than all other groups. Schizophrenic patients, on the other hand, had significantly lower scores than normal subjects on the eye roll sign and induction score but not on the other measures of hypnotizability. Some other unpredicted between-group differences were also found. Nevertheless, despite the between-group differences, the intercorrelations between the various hypnotizability measures within the normal group were very similar to those observed in the combined patient groups. CONCLUSIONS: The findings suggest that routine hypnotizability assessment may be useful in the differential diagnosis of patients with dissociative disorders.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Page, R. A., Handley, G. W., &#8220;Effects of deepening techniques on <strong>hypnotic</strong> depth and responding,&#8221; Int J Clin Exp Hypn, vol. 40, pp. 157-68, 1992.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
The present study attempted to assess the effectiveness of commonly used deepening techniques and of surreptitiously provided stimulation on hypnotizability scores, in-<strong>hypnosis</strong> depth reports, retrospective realness ratings, and the Field Inventory of <strong>Hypnotic</strong> Depth (Field, 1965). High, medium, and low hypnotizables were assigned in equal numbers to 1 of 3 groups, each containing 54 Ss. Controls were compared to Ss receiving 2 deepening techniques or 2 suggestions for positive and negative hallucinations that were surreptitiously enhanced. Of the 4 dependent measures employed, the only significant difference between groups related to a change in depth reports for the manipulation items themselves, leading to the conclusion that the effect of the techniques was at best minimal and transient. Some methodological and conceptual issues are also discussed.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Putnam, F. W., &#8220;Using <strong>hypnosis</strong> for therapeutic abreactions,&#8221; Psychiatr Med, vol. 10, pp. 51-65, 1992.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
Abreaction, the dramatic reliving of traumatic events under <strong>hypnosis</strong>, is a powerful therapeutic intervention useful in the treatment of victims of trauma. First systematically applied in World War I, abreaction coupled with psychotherapeutic processing of the recovered material is increasingly being used with victims of child abuse and chronic PTSD. Abreactions are helpful in recovering dissociated or repressed traumatic material, reconnecting missing affect with recalled material and for transforming traumatic memories. Although abreactions can be induced with medications, <strong>hypnosis</strong> is the method of choice except in acute situations where it is not possible to establish rapport. A variety of <strong>hypnotic</strong> techniques for the induction and management of abreaction are discussed, together with the indications and contraindications for their use.</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Phillips, M., Frederick, C., &#8220;The use of <strong>hypnotic</strong> age progressions as prognostic, ego-strengthening, and integrating techniques,&#8221; Am J Clin Hypn, vol. 35, pp. 99-108, 1992.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
Age progression as a hypnotherapeutic technique is mentioned infrequently in the literature when compared with its counterpart, age regression. In this paper we explore the use of progressions, or views of the future, as prognostic indicators of therapeutic progress and as valuable tools for ego strengthening and for the integration of clinical material. Age progressions vary in the types of suggestions given and can be used to promote growth on multiple levels, facilitating treatment goals and deepening the working-through process. We present six cases in which we used different types of age progressions, and we discuss the significance of the progressions used in each case, within the context of relevant clinical material. We conclude from our observations that the use of <strong>hypnotic</strong> progressions can be a sustaining, valuable aspect of <strong>hypnotherapy</strong>, particularly in providing an index of the current direction and progression of the therapy process itself.</span></p></blockquote>
<div><strong><span style="text-decoration:underline;"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Children</span></span></strong></div>
<p><strong><span style="text-decoration:underline;"> </p>
<p></span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Valente, S. M., &#8220;Clinical <strong>hypnosis</strong> with school-age children, &#8221; Arch Psychiatr Nurs, vol. 4, pp. 131-6, 1990.</span></p>
<blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abstract:<br />
Despite the fact that nurses are in key positions to learn and use <strong>hypnosis</strong> to bolster a child&#8217;s symptom management, ability to solve problems, or self-esteem, they lack knowledge about the clinical effectiveness of <strong>hypnosis</strong>. Substantial clinical literature demonstrates that <strong>hypnosis</strong> effectively reduces anxiety, enhances coping, and has been used successfully to treat behavior disorders, school phobias, and sleep disorders. <strong>Hypnosis</strong> can effectively reduce a child&#8217;s anxiety and symptoms and has few side effects when used competently. With education and supervision, nurses can effectively use <strong>hypnosis</strong> to improve a child&#8217;s mastery and self-esteem and to reduce severe levels of anxiety.</span></p>
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<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:medium;font-family:Helvetica;"><strong>Heart-Centered Therapies Association</strong></span></p>
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		<title>Quote by Marianne Williamson</title>
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				<category><![CDATA[Quotes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Inspirational Quotes]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alfnjm.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/quote-by-marianne-williamson/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Anywhere you go this week, think of yourself as sent by God to silently bless everyone in the room. Because actually, you were. So do it!<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=alfnjm.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2628019&amp;post=16&amp;subd=alfnjm&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Anywhere you go this week, think of yourself as sent by God to silently bless everyone in the room. Because actually, you were. So do it!</p>
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			<media:title type="html">ChangeSeeker</media:title>
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		<title>The Shift to Gratitude</title>
		<link>http://alfnjm.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/the-shift-to-gratitude/</link>
		<comments>http://alfnjm.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/the-shift-to-gratitude/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:30:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>ChangeSeeker</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Gratitude]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Grief and Loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Psychology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self Improvement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[choices]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[difficult times]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hard times]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tragedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[when bad things happen]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Often we think that when tragedy strikes or bad things happen that we are victims. We do have to face the fact that bad things do happen, but how we choose to respond is completely up to us. We can make a variety of choices as discussed in this brief article all of which will have an impact on our lives. The key is to make empowering choices that can lead you down a road of healing rather than destruction!<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=alfnjm.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2628019&amp;post=14&amp;subd=alfnjm&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It may appear sometimes as you have nothing to be grateful for, your finances are unstable, your job has been lost, or a dear relative has died. When tragedy hits it often hits hard and unexpectedly. Often time’s people get caught up in the tragedy in life and don’t focus on the strengths or the resources they already have. If you had to pick out two or three things that you already do well in getting through tough times could you?</p>
<p>If you are facing a tragedy in your life or a difficult time, you have several choices, you always have choices and only you know which one is most appropriate for you. You may choose not to feel anything and head right into action, busy, busy, busy you go. Distraction can work for a while, but eventually it catches up with you and may backfire. You may choose to engage in destructive behaviors to eliminate the feelings you are avoiding. These behaviors can range from abusing shopping, food, gambling, and sexual acting out, drugs or alcohol. You may choose to turn to your spiritual organization or beliefs to assist you in getting though the difficult time. You may choose to be sad and walk through the wide range of emotions with courage, without allowing yourself to get stuck. One technique I always use with my clients is Name it, Claim it and then Decide if you’re ready to let it go. This is a way to ensure you don’t get stuck in the negative emotions. You may get closer to friends and family as they support you through what you are going through.</p>
<p>Some people have an unbelievable ability to find the gifts in everything in their lives good or bad. What if you could pretend just for today that there is something to be learned from your tragedy or hard time? What if you decided to take on an attitude of curiosity and wonder to yourself and others what that learning may be for you. Maybe not today, or next month or even next year, but eventually you will find that gift. You will know what your lesson is in that incomprehensible loss, or difficult situation. At that time you will be able to see for yourself that you have made the shift to gratitude without even realizing you had done it!<br />
-By Allison Mupas, M.A, MFT, C.Ht.</p>
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		<title>The Steps to Forgiveness</title>
		<link>http://alfnjm.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/the-steps-to-forgiveness/</link>
		<comments>http://alfnjm.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/the-steps-to-forgiveness/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:14:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>ChangeSeeker</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Forgiving]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Grief and Loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage Therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Psychology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self Improvement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Understanding]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Forgive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Psychotherapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wholeness]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Forgiveness is not condoning other peoples' inappropriate behavior it is the process by which we let go of the anger we are hanging onto. Essentially we only hurt ourselves when we hang on to that hatred or anger. It may cause terrible illness and or relationship problems in one's life. So the choice to forgive although it is not easy is a road that can lead you to a much more productive satisfying life.<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=alfnjm.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2628019&amp;post=8&amp;subd=alfnjm&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&#8220;Forgiveness involves letting go and surrender of judgment and condemnation. With compassion, we can help others become aware of their divine nature and become lovers instead of haters. Most of all, we must not forget to forgive ourselves. We can give up the victim mentality and become victors instead. If we look through our spiritual eyes, we can stop judging and truly forgive. If we stop resisting life so much, we will stop feeling like a victim and creating a life of drama where we constantly need to forgive. That is so freeing!&#8221; Patty Hayes</p>
<p>To forgive does not mean we agree with or condone inappropriate behavior, it means we are willing to let go, move on or free ourselves from the burden of resentment. Forgiveness can be exhibited in many ways and can be accomplished with or without the offender present. Below are some steps to consider when considering forgiveness.</p>
<p>1) A) Journal or write about your feelings, what happened and let it all out. This your personal experience so just put it all down in whatever manner makes you feel good! B) If you&#8217;re not a writer, find an objective person who can listen to you without giving their opinion unless it is asked for by you. Then talk it out. C) If you have spiritual connection to some greater power you can pray about it.</p>
<p>2) Look at your side of the event, disagreement, problem. How did you participate, do you have anything to &#8220;clean up&#8221;. &#8220;Clean up&#8221; means taking responsibility for your part in the issues, disagreement or problem. It is often helpful to look at how you may do things differently next time, so you can learn from this experience.</p>
<p>3) Consider if you are even willing to forgive yet. If not I would recommend that you take some steps to work through the underlying feelings you are still carrying around, such as anger, hurt or a myriad of other emotions. If you are unwilling go back to step 1 and repeat until you feel willingness beginning to emerge.</p>
<p>4) Make the decision to forgive anyone involved in the situation. Don&#8217;t forget yourself if you need it too. Decide if you need to say or write anything to anyone involved to get your feelings out and be heard. The person you are forgiving does not need to be willing or present for you to complete this process. You can ask an objective person to be on the receiving end if you don&#8217;t feel safe or comfortable going to the person who you are upset with. You can visualize that you are speaking to that person when you are speaking to a friend or objective listener.</p>
<p>5) Let go! Keep in mind you are choosing to forgive, if you are holding on to a belief that the other person has to do something before you&#8217;ll forgive you are choosing to remain stuck. If you find situations re-stimulating the old feelings of hurt you may need to repeat step 1.</p>
<p>If you need any assistance with the process of forgiveness please feel free to e-mail me or call me. 626.802.7383 Allison Mupas, M.A., MFT</p>
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		<title>Healthy Relationships 101</title>
		<link>http://alfnjm.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/healthy-relationships-101/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:10:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>ChangeSeeker</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage Therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Psychology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self Improvement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication tips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Couple's counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fighting fairly]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marrage therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage help]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship help]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Therapy]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Relationships can be challenging and filled with love. It is the challenging moments when we need tips and techniques to get us through the tough times. This article addresses some very concrete things you and your loved one, or friend or family member can do do make relationships better!<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=alfnjm.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2628019&amp;post=4&amp;subd=alfnjm&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Have you ever wondered how ‘that couple’ stayed together all those years? What is it they are doing right? What are the things that contribute to the success of healthy long term relationships? There are a few fundamental things that will improve the chances of a relationships success. Those things include; 1) fighting fairly, 2) healthy communication, 3) similar core values/desires, 4) willingness to compromise, 5) expressing your love and appreciating each other, and most importantly 6) mutual commitment.</div>
<div><strong>1)<span style="text-decoration:underline;"> Fighting Fairly</span></strong></div>
<div>To begin, one must understand one of the most basic rules of getting along with others. Every relationship has arguments; they are a natural part of all relationships. But how you choose to engage in those arguments is a key factor in whether your relationship will withstand the test of time. You and your relationships benefit tremendously if you learn how to “fight fairly”. What does it mean to fight fairly? If you are the type to pull punches below the belt, name calling, screaming or using a threatening tone, bringing in another person for their opinion, drudging up past history or slipping in that sarcastic comment just because you know it will hurt the other person than you are <em>not</em> fighting fairly. Some behaviors or interpersonal patterns must be decidedly eliminated from your relationships if you wish to have a healthier relationship. Fighting fairly includes, taking time out if you need time to cool off before discussing issues with your significant other. It also entails healthy communication, willingness to compromise, and discussing items of conflict without withdrawing physically or shutting down emotionally. Can you touch your significant others hand when your discussing something where you feel conflict? Or do you pull yourself away the minute a conflict arises.</div>
<div><strong>2)<span style="text-decoration:underline;"> Healthy Communication</span></strong></div>
<div>Avoid absolute language like “always” and “never”. It means using “I” statements that describe your feelings instead of “you” statements that often make the other person feel attacked. For example, instead of saying to your significant other, “you always come home late, you never think about me?”, you could say, “I feel worried (fill in your feeling) when you (fill in your significant others behavior as objectively as you can) come home late without calling and I would like you to (what do you want or need) call if you are going to be late.” It is important to understand that we must express what we need and take a look at our expectations to see if they are reasonable and fair. If expectations are continually not met than something is not working in the area of compromise or your core values/desires are significantly different and outside help may be needed.</div>
<div><strong>3) <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Similar Core Values/Desires</span></strong></div>
<div>A critical component to a successful relationship is determining if you and your significant other have similar core values and desires. If you want kids and your honey doesn’t have the slightest interest in children you want to find this out early. If one of you wants to live in the city and one of you wants to live in the country and neither of you is willing to compromise this match may not be made in heaven. If you believe in undying honesty and your significant other thinks lying is acceptable behavior you may be dealing with some of the more critical “deal breakers”. It is important to clarify the big issues and identify if there are any core values or desires that are vastly different and can’t be worked through. If you go into the relationship seeing these red flags and think “I’ll deal with it later” it is a recipe for disaster. By definition a “deal breaker” is something you believe you absolutely must have in your relationship to be happy. Each person has to figure out what their deal breakers are before they can actively decide if a relationship will work or not. It is mostly about knowing what you want in life and in your relationships. Some other topics to consider when evaluating core values and desires are to look at how each of your view and feel about the following topics such as; money, raising children, sex or sexual issues, division of labor/chores, how you like to spend your off time, monogamy, friendship, commitment, trust, substance use or abuse, anger management and styles of handling anger, and most of all do you both believe in or want a long term relationship.</div>
<div><strong>4) <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Willingness to Compromise</span></strong></div>
<div>There are many times where compromise plays a significant role in a successful relationship. If you want one thing and your significant other wants something else, there are times when you both could benefit the relationship by meeting the need of your significant other. It is important to ask yourself, is this something I can compromise on? The way you choose to think about your chosen compromises can help or hinder the relationship. If you choose resignation “Ugh, I have to go to this party because my significant other wants to” versus acceptance “I am choosing to go with my significant other to this party because it is important to him or her”. Just by virtue of choosing the way you frame the thought, you are influencing your feelings about the situation. Many of the perceived deal breakers may not be deal breakers at all if you have good communication with your significant other and can talk things out throughout the relationship you may find very amicable solutions to your differences. One of the biggest questions you must ask yourselves when you are in relationship, is it more important to be right or happy? Sometimes it can be as easy as letting go of the need to the one in the relationship who is “right”. One question to consider when deciding if you are willing to compromise on an issue is, “will this matter to me in five years”, if you find the answer is no it maybe easier to find your way to compromising in that scenario.</div>
<div><strong>5) <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Expressing Your Love and Appreciating Each Other</span></strong></div>
<div>The research suggests that couples that demonstrate their affection and love towards one another are more successful. Particularly appropriate when they can demonstrate affection and maintain a positive connection to their significant other when in the middle of conflict. This is much easier said than done, but it can be learned and it is definitely worth attempting to incorporate into your work towards being a successful couple. Focus on what you love about each other. Catch your significant other doing things that you appreciate and let them know how much you appreciate those things. Find special moments in the day to share your love and appreciation with one another and you will find you continue to discover more to love and appreciate. It is important you remember what it was that attracted you to each other talk about those things that you find loveable, kind, warm, fun, sexy and attractive. When you are feeling a momentary lack of love, do something kind for your significant other getting out of your own head and into being of service. A little bit of gratitude goes a very long way. If you sneak a peek at your honey doing something you really love, tell them! Express gratitude in every way possible.</div>
<div><strong>6) <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Mutual Commitment</span></strong></div>
<div>This one is simple yet <em>the</em> most important; you both must be committed to the relationship and the work it takes to maintain a health functional relationship. Relationships may only be ‘easy’ in the ‘honeymoon period’ when both parties are on their absolute best behavior, there is tons of mystery and you are still both really getting to know one another. When that period wears off, whether it takes two months or three years that is when you really get to see if you both have what it takes to make this relationship work for the long term. You may trade the butterflies of the unknown for a shared beautiful history when you are in a long term relationship but with mutual commitment the feelings ebb and flow and the hard work it takes to maintain the relationship makes it all worthwhile.</div>
<div>If one of these essential components is missing from your relationship but you have mutual commitment than there is still hope. Seek a qualified counselor to assist you with the other areas covered above. It is often a great tool to have an objective qualified therapist who can reflect back and assist both of you in the process of navigating the road to long term commitment. It is my experience in counseling couples that no situation is hopeless if both people are willing to do the work necessary to make changes to work through the issues that arise in the relationship, even some of the seemingly large ‘deal breakers’. It is my wish that you all have beautiful, fulfilling, love filled relationships in your lives.</div>
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